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Hi everyone and welcome back to the Catholic Grief podcast. Obviously, I am not in my office today. I am out and about, and this is just where life has put me for this podcast today, but I wanted to make sure that I got one recorded for you this week. Um, because consistency is something that I want to really be better about, so I'm just trying to do what I can with what I have. So here we go. Welcome to the Catholic Grief Podcast. I'm Jenny Burba. After walking through profound loss, I discovered that grief and faith are not enemies. In this space, we speak openly about grieving. We bring our grief to the foot of the cross, anchor ourselves in scripture and the sacraments, and gently rebuild with Christ at the center. If you are carrying sorrow, you are seeing it here. Let's walk this path together. And I know that I have uh given you a little bit of an explanation about what it is and where it came from, but I didn't really get into all the details of what of what it is. And you know, there were obvious a lot of other things that I wanted to talk about in that very first episode. And then last week I had Eileen Thule on the podcast. And if you haven't listened to that conversation yet, definitely go back and listen to it because she shared so much about her own experience with grief, her relationship with Our Lady of Sorrows, and the work that she's now doing to support other Catholics who are grieving. Something that came up during that conversation that I thought was really interesting and relevant was that Eileen herself talked about writing as one of the ways that she processed her grief. And then later on in the conversation, she talked about creativity and how she didn't really recognize at the time that it could actually be used as a tool to help process grief. And I obviously was sitting there thinking, yes, this is exactly what I've been talking about. Because that is really where creative resilience came from for me, too. It wasn't something that I intentionally created after Sean died, after Max died. I didn't sit down and think, okay, I've experienced all these terrible things. How can I turn this into a program? That is not how it worked at all. But I knew that I wanted to help others move forward and find a path through this hard journey of grief. I wanted to give people the tools that I wished that I had when I was going through it. And when I really started looking back at the different losses and difficult, difficult seasons of my life and thinking about what actually helped me through them, not what made them go away, because nothing did that, but what helped me process what I was feeling, eventually figure out how to move forward. And creativity is what kept showing up. It showed up in different ways at different times, but it was always there, even back in my childhood. And I think one of the reasons that I didn't recognize it immediately is because creativity has always been a part of my life. I wasn't thinking of it as some kind of grief tool. I was just doing what I had always done. But I started realizing that there were times when I could sit down and talk about what I was feeling or write about it or pray about it, and there were other times when I just couldn't. Sometimes there were just too many thoughts happening all at once. Sometimes I didn't even know what I was feeling. And I think we have this idea that in order to process something, we have to be able to explain it. But what happens when you can't explain it? That's really the question that started shaping creative resilience for me. But before we get too far into that, let's pray. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, thank you for meaning us exactly where we are today. You know everything that each person listening is carrying. You know the things we can put into words and the things we don't even know how to explain yet. Help us to make space for those things today. Give us the courage to look honestly at what is happening inside of us without judgment, without trying to rush through it, and without feeling like we have to have everything figured out. Help us to recognize your presence in the middle of our grief and to trust you with whatever we discover. Guide my words today and allow them to reach whoever needs to hear them. In Jesus' name we pray. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. So, what is creative resilience? When I say creative resilience, I think that the simplest explanation is that it is using creativity as a way to explore what we're experiencing. And then bringing what we discover into reflection and prayer so that we can begin to figure out what moving forward looks like for us. And I use the words moving forward very intentionally. I don't really like the idea of moving on from grief because I don't think that is really what happens. There are people and experiences that become part of who we are. I'm never going to move on from Sean as though that part of my life is finished and has nothing to do with who I am today. I'm never going to move on from Max. Those losses are part of my story and will always be living in my heart. But I have moved forward, and I think that is an important difference to acknowledge. Creative resilience is one of the ways I learned to do that. And I want to help others find the help that I struggled to find. So obviously, I care very much about what things look like when I'm designing something. And sometimes I can get stuck there. But this is different. There have been things that I've created and colored while processing something that I would never show another person. And that's okay. Actually, it's kind of the point. Because I'm not creating it for anybody else. I'm creating something that gives me a way to take what is happening inside of me and put it somewhere I can actually see it. And sometimes what comes out surprises me. Maybe I thought I was angry. And then I realize underneath the anger, I was actually scared. Or I think I'm doing pretty well with something. And then I sit down to create and realize there's a part of it that I haven't really dealt with at all. And once I can recognize that, then I can do something with it. I can journal about it. I can talk about it. I can bring it to prayer, and I can look up scriptures that speaks to what I'm experiencing. Maybe I need to talk to someone else about it. Maybe I need help. Or maybe I just need to acknowledge that this particular thing still hurts and stop expecting myself to be finished with it. That's the part of creative resilience that I think is so important. The artwork isn't the healing. It's what the creative process can reveal that gives us somewhere to begin. Creativity can get around the words. One of the things that I've learned about myself is that I am really good at thinking. Sometimes probably too good at it. I am definitely an overthinker. Ask anyone who knows me. I'm sure they're laughing right now at me if they're listening to this. I can analyze something. I can replay a conversation over and over again. I can think about why something happened and what I should have done differently and what somebody else should have done differently. And sometimes that's helpful, but sometimes I can think about something so much that I'm not actually processing it anymore. I'm just going around and around in circles with the same thoughts. Creativity does something different for me. When I'm working with my hands, whether it's drawing, writing, cutting out pieces of paper, arranging something, or simply coloring in a coloring book, I'm still thinking, but I'm not approaching those thoughts in exactly the same way. And sometimes something gets through that I wasn't getting to. By just simply sitting there and thinking about it. I think that's also why I like combining creativity with journaling. Because sometimes I'll create first and then write about what I made or what thoughts went through my head while I was making it, and the things I write afterward are completely different from what I probably would have written if I had just opened my journal and asked myself how I was feeling. Creative resilience isn't about assigning some deep psychological meaning to every mark you make on a page. Sometimes a purple scribble is just a purple scribble, but sometimes it isn't. Then I bring what I have found to God, and this is probably the most important part of creative resilience for me, especially as the framework has developed. Because I'm not interested in just getting better at understanding myself. That can be helpful, obviously. But I want to know what God is doing in the middle of all of this, too. So when something comes up through a creative activity, I can bring it into prayer. And that prayer doesn't have to be complicated. Sometimes it really is just okay, God, I didn't realize I was this angry. Or I thought I had dealt with this already. Apparently I have it. What do I do with it? Or even, I don't know what this means, but you do. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. I love the words, pour out your heart. Because that's very different from coming to God after we've sorted everything out and figured out exactly what we're supposed to say. Much like what Eileen talked about last week, lifting our broken heart up to him. We can pour out our broken heart and offer it to him. And sometimes I think putting something on a piece of paper is part of how I do that. Then I can sit with it. I can pray about it. I can bring scripture into it, and I can start asking God what He wants me to see. Not necessarily why did this happen? I think we can spend a really long time looking for an answer to that question. And most of the time there isn't an answer we're going to get in this life. But I can ask, what do you want me to see here? Where are you in this? What am I holding on to that I need to give to you? And what is the next step? And sometimes that next step is really small, but that is still moving forward. So let's try something. Instead of me just talking about this for the entire episode, I want you to try a very small creative resilience exercise with me. You don't need art supplies, you don't need to know how to draw, you just need a piece of paper and something to write with. Obviously, if you're driving right now, don't try to do this while you're listening. Come back to this part later. But if you can, grab a piece of paper before you put anything on it. I want you to think about this question. What am I carrying right now? Don't overthink it. It doesn't even have to be directly related to the person or event you are grieving. Maybe you're carrying loneliness or anger. Maybe you're exhausted or worried about one of your children. Maybe something happened this week and you're realizing that it affected you more than you thought it did. Or maybe you actually feel really good today and you're carrying some peace. Whatever is and whatever it is, just notice what comes up. Now instead of explaining it, I want you to put it somewhere on the paper. You can use words if you want to, but you don't have to. You can draw a shape, you can scribble. I know sometimes when I'm angry, I just push my pen on the paper as hard as I can and just scribble. And sometimes it makes interesting shapes. You can make lines, you can do curvy lines, wavy lines, spiked lines. If you have different colors, use those. And maybe there's several things that you're carrying, and they each need their own place. There is no correct way or wrong way to do this. And I want to give yourself a minute to actually do it. So I'm gonna pause for a minute. You can fast forward when you're done and come back. And this is where I want you to resist the temptation to say, Well, this looks stupid. Because it might. What do I need right now? Again, don't try to solve the rest of your life. What do you need right now in this moment? Maybe you need rest. Maybe you need someone to listen. Maybe you need to forgive someone, or even give yourself permission to be angry. Maybe you need to go back to mass. I struggled with that one a lot. Maybe you need to make an appointment with a counselor or your priest, or maybe you just need to call a friend. And maybe you don't know yet. Put whatever comes to you somewhere on the page. And then we're going to bring the whole thing to God. You can close your eyes if you want to. Or you can keep looking at what you've created and just pray. Jesus, you know everything represented on this page better than I do. Help me see what I need to see. Show me where you are in what I'm carrying, and help me recognize the next step you are asking me to take. Amen. And that's it. You don't have to have some huge revelation. Actually, most of the time you probably won't. But maybe something shifted. Maybe you recognize something. Maybe you put words to something you hadn't been able to name before. Or maybe you just spent five minutes acknowledging what you're carrying instead of trying to push through it. That matters too. And that's a small small example of what I mean when I talk about creative resilience. It's also a little taste of what I'll be doing during At the Foot of the Cross, an immersive Catholic grief workshop, coming up September 17th and 18th. I'm co-hosting this workshop with Eileen Tooley, who you met in last episode, and Nicole Hogan, who was actually a guest during season one, and is coming back for another interview next week. And one of the things that I love about what we're doing is that the three of us aren't all teaching the same thing. We each bring our own experiences with grief, our own gifts, and our own ways of helping people work through what they're carrying. For my two sessions, we're going to be doing creative resilience activities together. The first is creative resilience, visualizing your journey. We're going to use a simple drawing activity to look at our grief and our resilience in a way that we might not have considered before. And again, you do not need to be an artist. I promise I'm not grading your drawing. The second session is creative surrender, the cross we carry. And I'm really excited about this one. We're going to physically create a cross using pieces that represent some of the things we carry in grief. Things like anger, fear, regret, guilt, loneliness, and unanswered questions. We're not going to pretend that those things aren't there. We're going to acknowledge them and then look at what it means to surrender them to Christ. And I think that's such an important distinction. Surrender doesn't mean that suddenly we don't care. It doesn't mean that we stop hurting. Sometimes surrender is simply admitting that I cannot carry all of this by myself anymore. And where better to bring that than to the foot of the cross. So if this little exercise we just did today made you curious about creative resilience, or if you found yourself thinking that you would like more time and guidance to explore some of what came up, I would love to have you join us. At the foot of the cross is free and completely virtual, so you can participate from home. And I'll put all of the registration information in the show notes. I hope this gives you a better understanding of what I mean when you hear me say creative resilience. It's something that developed very naturally out of my own experiences, and over time I started recognizing that there was actually a process happening underneath the things I had been doing instinctively for years. Creativity gave me another way to access what I was carrying. Reflection helped me understand some of what came up. My faith gave me somewhere to bring it. And resilience was what happened little by little as I learned how to keep moving forward with all of those things as part of my story. If you know someone who is grieving and you think this episode could help them, please share it with them. Subscribe or follow wherever you're listening so you don't miss the next conversation we have coming up. And as always, I am praying for you. Christ is near. You are not alone, and I love you all.