SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today is our first guest interview with Catholic mindset coach Teresa Matters. I am so excited to have her on today. She will be sharing her personal grief story with us. She is greatly inspired by St. Theresa's Little Way and has an online community called Little Way Freedom for Catholic women who want to hear God's voice, live more aligned with his will, and trust him in all things. Welcome to the Catholic Grief Podcast. I'm Jenny Burba. After walking through profound loss, I discovered that grief and faith are not enemies. In this space, we speak openly about grieving. We bring our grief to the foot of the cross, anchor ourselves in the scripture and the sacraments, and gently rebuild with Christ at the center. If you are carrying sorrow, you are seen here to walk this path together. So I have Teresa Matters with me. And Teresa, would you go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yes. Well, hi Jenny. Hi, everyone. I'm Teresa Matters. I am a mom to three amazing kiddos. They are 14, 12, and 9 and lifelong Catholic. So I've been doing mass and prayers and all that since, you know, since forever. But also certainly have my own faith journey there. And at one point I actually thought my life was pretty boring, and then God spiced it up. So yeah. And um part of my journey has also included um getting married, uh for 13 years, divorce, annulment, co-parenting, and also discovering Catholic mindset coaching. And so I'm a certified Catholic mindset coach through Metanoia Catholic and also a speaker and retreat facilitator, all inspired by Saint Therese, who I was named after, and of course rooted in the Catholic teachings.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Oh, I love that so much. Uh before I get too far ahead of myself, let's go ahead and say a quick prayer. Yes, absolutely. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, you are the giver of life. You place people in our lives who became become our anchors, our safe place, the ones who run who we run to when everything falls apart. And sometimes you call them home before we feel ready. For those who have lost a parent, father, bring tenderness to every tender place that gets stirred today. Bring comfort to those still in the thick of that grief. Bring peace to those still wrestling with hard questions. Remind the brokenhearted that you are close to God, that you have not forgotten them, and that the love they carry for those they have lost is itself a gift from you. As Teresa shares her story today, we ask that you use it for your glory and for the healing of every heart that needs to hear it. We entrust this time to you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Thank you, Jenny. That was a beautiful prayer.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Of course. It's taken me a while to get comfortable with um writing and praying like that. I've always been used to the rote prayer.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

I can relate, yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Okay. So you said that you were married for 13 years.

unknown 4:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

So can you um give some context about that season of your life and how your faith carried you through it?

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yes, actually, I I don't know what I would have done without my faith. You know, so being raised in a Catholic home with parents who are very um dedicated to in a um sharing the faith, leading by example, and really having that open invitation for my brothers and I, like, this is for you. And then, of course, at some point we have to say yes to that, you know. Um, so there was a shift for me in a high school, I had a beautiful experience with that. And then me making that choice of like, I'm gonna show up and go to mass at university and I'm going to look for friends who would support that. And at the time I wouldn't have known, but I think like those, all those small decisions and big decisions did lead to when I was facing journeying through a divorce and everything that was going to come with that, that like the relationship with Jesus, the sacraments, the people that I had around me really was what sustained me. Um and I'm so incredibly grateful for that because I also I recognize that not everyone necessarily has that, has the people in their lives or that trust in God. And it's not to say that I was perfectly living it out and always like, oh yeah, clearly he's got this. There are definitely moments of like, what is going on and survival moments and exhaustion. Um, but I know he was sitting with me in all of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

That is awesome. And I can relate to every single part of that too, because there definitely were times where I didn't feel like he was anywhere near me, but in my heart I knew that he was. And having those parents that give you that strong foundation where you can and um and understand what that choice can do for you is so important. So, what was the annulment experience like? And is there something about it that you wish more Catholics understood?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Well, how much time do we have? No. Yeah. So I we're gonna keep this one a little bit like, okay, what comes to mind here? Um annulment, I think, can have um there's a lot of mystery around it, I think. Um we don't know, I don't think anybody plans on walking through that process, right? So at some point though, some of us do find ourselves discerning is this something that I want to pursue, right? And there can be a lot of assumptions about what this process even looks like. So I think my first uh practical advice is if you're discerning it, um, also just uh do some research into what is the process. So, spoiler alert, there are 13 steps involved. It's not 13 steps necessarily that we as the one uh petitioning for it go through, but in terms of the full process, 13 steps. So just learning about it and kind of demystifying what it is and what it means can be very helpful. And of course, taking this to prayer. Um, I, you know, being on different groups and Facebook and whatnot, you see sometimes people are like, oh, asking in a random Facebook group, you know, would I qualify for an annulment? Should I get an annulment? And that's fine, right? But there really is that like that personal discernment with God and then reaching out to the people that you do have real life connections with, your priest, the diocese. Um, there are beautiful humans who are trained to to walk you through this, and it's all based in the wisdom of our Catholic faith. So I think that's what comes to mind for me. I my process, it took about three years, but I don't believe that's the norm. So I don't want that to freak anybody out. At the same time, there was a lot of opportunity to be like, okay, God, you know, like um something's going on here. Um, I I really am going to work on increasing my trust in your timing and your plan for this and and what opportunities are before me um because of how this is unfolding, right? Um, but yeah, again, he's he's sitting with us in all the emotions and the thoughts that come up uh when it comes to walking a journey we did not plan for.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

So yeah, absolutely. I know for me, um, because I'm a cradle Catholic also, I did not realize that any marriage, even outside of the Catholic Church, needs to go through an annulment process after divorce if you want to get remarried in the Catholic Church. And I know that because my now husband, my second husband, he was not even he was not Catholic, he wasn't even Christian when he married his first wife. And so in my mind, I'm like, oh, well, this is gonna be easy to get married because he, you know, he's technically not married in the eyes of the church, right? But that was absolutely incorrect. And um, and it it was a stressful, uh, a stressful time and a stressful process without really understanding the um the process or anything like that. And for us, it took about a year um because they contacted, you know, he had to find witnesses and they contacted his ex-wife, and um, but it was hard because because I had lost my first husband. And so I was already questioning God, why did you take this man that you gave, you know, us 10 children together, and then you put this other man in my life, and now we might not even be able to get married. So it was definitely it was hard. Yeah. Um, but like you said, God's timing was perfect. Um, because during that time, while the annulment was was being processed, he actually went through RCIA and became Catholic. Um started the process in July of 2022, then in April of 2023, he got baptized and entered the church. And then we got married that following July of 2023. Um, the annulment had come through just a couple months before. So wedding planning was difficult, but we got through it and definitely all in God's timing.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Beautiful. Yes. Yes. And even if we still had like just on God's timing, even if we still have question marks right now, I think I just I like kind of ground myself in like he's like outside of time, he's zoomed, he's way zoomed out, and he can see all the puzzle pieces fitting together. So there's definitely going to be things where I think we do get that like confirmation and affirmation from him. I'm like, oh, that makes sense now. And there might be some some things in our lives where we we don't receive that, but we continue to like lean on him. Like there must be wisdom that we just don't have access to right now, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Absolutely. So I think we both agree that the annulment process does come with its own kind of grief um and and processing. But you had something happen in the middle of all of this with the divorce and the annulment and everything. So tell us what happened.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah, so about well, three years ago tomorrow, we're recording this the day before it's getting released, but um, my my father passed away. My dad, Deacon Randy Matters, or as I call him Daddy O, um uh said goodbye. We said goodbye to him. Um, and it was also not planned. Um, it was the day before his birthday and on Mother's Day, and um he was a rock for me personally, certainly my mom, my mama bear, uh, my brothers, uh, you know, our family. Uh he's got um some beautiful grandkids. I might be a little biased, but you know, and so many lives that he touched. And so um we we had to say goodbye, and I still don't actually understand the timing.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Yeah, yeah, I know it's one of those things that you might never understand the timing. Um, but I know through my own brief process that there are things that I'm able to look back and see now. You know, I'm um what, I'm 12 years away from losing my son and almost five years away from losing my husband. So um but I also feel like sometimes that's a gift that God gives certain people to be able to look back and see the puzzle pieces. So I don't know. Yeah, um so tell us a little bit, a little bit more about um your dad, who he was.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Oh, where to begin. Um so he he was one of those men that he didn't necessarily speak a lot. So when he did speak, you wanted to pay attention. Um and he moved through this life, I think, having just incredible like ripple effect on the lives that he touched, but not in like these big overt ways, um, just kind of subtle and meaningful ways. And um, you know, certainly being his daughter, like I remember him just being that presence of certainly provider, protector, a rock to lean on, um full of wisdom. And he he did discern uh becoming a permanent deacon in the Catholic Church, and so uh he walked through that process, but that process includes, of course, your wife and your children as well, because he has his formation and then he has his family. So there were elements where we got to be invited into that. And I still remember on the the day he was ordained, there were so many things going on. And at one point we were leaving the cathedral, and I was like, wait, we haven't got a picture of what I call the original five. So my two brothers and I with mom and dad, and he was kind of like, you know, a little stressed. We had the reception to get to and stuff, and I was like, no, no, no, we really need to. Um, and so we we have this photo of the original five on the steps of the cathedral, and it's a little bit like it makes us all smile now because we know like dad was a little bit like ruffled at that point, and it takes a lot to ruffle him. Um, but it was understandable that it was a big day, and um yeah, he certainly a rock, and I believe he is certainly still with me in the spiritual sense and interceding for me and kiddos and and whatnot, but it was a big loss for for us for sure.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah, I was sure. Um, you touched on this a little bit already, but how did his faith and his vocation shape your faith?

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Hmm. Oh, that's a good question. Um again, it it wasn't that he always said a lot. Like he wasn't one to necessarily sit down and give you a big old lecture, right? But he did lead by example, and he was always there to, you know, if you're like, I just need to talk about this, you know, I just need to, you know, and the thing is he was never gonna tell you what to do. He wanted you to to be moved from the internal, right? Because, you know, and the reality is if we're moved internally, we're far more likely to really embrace whatever it is that decision or choice we're making. And so, um, you know, whatever life was throwing at my brothers and I, we knew we could always go to him. Um, and we also knew he was always going to be steadfast in his faith, right? So um, you know, when we come together for Christmas and whatnot, like we're all in the pew together. And that's been such a gift to have those memories of us all being together. And then eventually he was, you know, deacon on the altar too. Um, but I think for me, um, I I certainly like faith first and foremost, and then there's hockey. But I know obviously there's there's family and friends in that too, but like he's he's um just a very genuine, kind, loving human. And I think that all stems from his Catholic faith, and that all um can't help but ripple into my life as well.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Yeah, that's awesome. How long was he a deacon before he passed away?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Oh goodness. Um I am terrible at years. This is where I'd be like, hey mom. Um well, I'm 41 and he was ordained, I think, in my late teens.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

So okay, wow. Wow, awesome. Yeah, okay. So can you uh walk us through a little bit of the actual days that he passed? How how that unwrapped, how it was revealed to you.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Yeah. Um, so my dad is also somebody who wouldn't want his kids to worry or be concerned. Um, so at some point, um probably a couple months before, mom did uh talk to my brothers and I and let us know that there are some health concerns, you know. Not certainly the indication wasn't that uh death may be imminent, but just like, hey, dad has some health struggles. Um, he doesn't want you to know. So, but but I would like you to know. And um so it came to be about it was about four days in the hospital leading up to what would be tomorrow, uh, May 14th. And even when we met mom at the hospital, certainly for me, uh there was still like hope, like, okay, there's just something's gone really sideways, but like we're figuring this out, you know? And we're the right this, you know, and then I remember sitting with one of my brothers outside on a bench, and you know, you know it's serious, but you're also again, you have that hope that you know a miracle could happen. And you're also just waiting to hear, like you don't necessarily have all the information, and it's a very new situation for me, anyways. Um so spent a lot of time with mom and visiting the hospital on those four days, and ultimately it was Mother's Day. Um, and my dad's brother and sister had flown in from their respective homes. And uh my kids were with their dad at the time. I had asked, Can you have them longer? And then I but I knew um we were getting to a point where the doctors and nurses had done everything they could and they were amazing. And we knew that at a certain point, um, if X, Y, or Z hadn't really changed, then they were going to remove the support that was helping him to breathe.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

That's okay, take your time.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

So knowing that my mom was with my aunt and uncle, I said goodbye. I don't know how I made it to my car. And I don't know how I drove home, but I did. The Guardian Angels, I think. Absolutely. I picked up the kiddos and really believed that that's what he would want. He would have wanted me to be with the kids.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

And uh that evening my brother gave me the phone call that he had he had moved on.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah. I'm so sorry. I'm sure that was very difficult.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yes, uh certainly up there with one of the hardest moments of my life, and yet um I remember at one point where my brothers and I were with mom and dad, and um he was still uh responsive, um, but in the ICU, and I was like, let's pray together, you know, and it was like, um, so you know, we're all it was the last time that we were all together together, and so we did a Hail Mary, our father, and glory be. And then um my mom was like, maybe we should do the rosary, and my dad was kind of like, Is that it's okay? I mean, and certainly um there were lots of rosaries happening around those days, but to sit and do the rosary all together, even in those that moment, dad was like, It's okay. That's funny. Um, even in like the certainly blessings in all of that, you know, and coming together as family. And um, I'm very grateful for those moments.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Yeah, absolutely. Those are moments definitely to be grateful for. When you realize that he had been hiding how much he was. What did that what did that do to your heart?

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Well I know he had mom. And I know they work very well as a team. And and I think back over their time, they were married for 40 years. It was over 40 years. And my mom has had her own um health journeys that he has walked alongside her through. Us as well, but you know, husband and wife, you know, doing their thing. And and so I knew they had each other. And it also is not, you know, not surprising that um that would be what he wanted. And I think because I was pondering over a little bit of this and how obviously each one of us are uniquely made, right? God has designed us each so uniquely, and our relationships, no two relationships are the same, right? The relationship I have with my dad is different from each of my brothers, and it's supposed to be that way. Um, and our temperaments play into this. So I think even like when we are not well um or struggling, like our personalities, our temperaments play out as well in terms of like how how do we navigate this? Um so I know he had the support that he needed. Is there a part of you that's like, oh, I wish I could have been a bigger role? But I know he wanted us to like keep living our lives, keep being present to our kiddos, keep, you know, doing what we're doing. Don't worry about him. And I actually I was reflecting back on um the last time like the kids and I would have gone to visit um at their home. It was a Sunday, we headed there after mass, and the carnival was in our hometown, just about half an hour, 40-minute drive away. And so it was a quick visit after mass. And then I was like, We're headed off to the carnival. And there's a little part of me that's like, oh, should I have stayed? Should the kids and I have stayed and had that afternoon with dad? And I guarantee you he would have been like, No, he's so glad that we we hopped off to the carnival and had those memories, right? And if he was feeling well enough, I bet he like him and mom would have come, you know, but he wasn't feeling well enough.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

So I feel like as a mother watching my children lose their father, I would absolutely agree with that. Because that was something that I made sure that when even when um when I was in the hospital losing their brother, I made sure that they didn't worry about what was happening. Yeah, I made sure that they were still going to the activities that were planned. Like the day that I lost Max, my son, um, there were a couple of them that had a birthday party. I think the boys had a Boy Scout rock climbing event. And I made sure that there was someone that took them to those events so they could still have fun and not worry about me in the hospital. So I definitely agree with you that your dad would have wanted it exactly the way that it was. Yeah. Um, so when we previously talked, um, you had talked a little bit about wrestling with anger towards God after losing your dad. So can you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Yes. Um, I think this may have been maybe the even like the only very real, like tangible time I've been angry at God. Like, no, like it this has felt so unjust to me. And um even being at the funeral, it was this beautiful funeral. It was at the cathedral, and I remember we pulled up and the kids and I needed to use the washroom. So we're running in, and there's like this wall of priests waiting, and there's the casket. And you know, I'm just focused on like let's get everybody to the washroom. But ultimately, like to almost avoid the fact that there is a cathedral full of people and a lineup of priests when we're all here because my dad is not here anymore. And I remember like the you know, walking down, I'm like, I'm not making eye contact with anybody. I remember being in the front pew. I'm like, I don't, I don't want to be here, I shouldn't be here, you know, like and um it it wasn't that the anger I think ever got wildly out of control. It was just like, you know what, God, like yes, and and you know, like I don't I don't understand. Like he was early 60s, he was just baby, you know, you could have done something. Um, and I I'm I'm willing to guess that we all have either at least one time or multiple times in our lives where we have those conversations with God, and I think the key is that we have those conversations with God. Yes, exactly. Don't run away from it. Yeah, he wants to be invited into the anger and the resentment, even if it's towards him, the sadness, the grief, um, and the gratitude and the joy and the peace. Um, so I will say, I mean, in three years, it doesn't mean everything's just great here. I mean, I'd still love to think he's just watching the hockey game, you know, at Mama Dad's house. Um, but there's definitely been, you know, healing and and consolation and and peace through that. And part of it was I remember speaking it out loud to my mom one day and just saying, yeah, I'm I'm angry about it still, you know, and I'm like, and I want to hold on to it a little bit longer. Yeah. And um, so there is an element of uh speaking it out and to a safe person, whether that's your mom or a spiritual director or a Catholic mindset coach, uh, to to get it out, to process it, um, because we don't want to be stuck there, right? Yeah, and we don't want it to like take over either.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Yeah. And I love what you said about um about staying with it and not running away from it. Because something that has uh has come to the forefront in everything that I've been reading and researching and everything, um, is Jesus at Lazarus' tomb with Mary and Martha. He stood there with them during that time. He cried with them, even though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, he still entered into their grief with them. And you're absolutely right, God wants to enter into our grief with us.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Yeah, yeah. And I like I believe God is sad too of my dad. He's he's feeling that, has felt that, you know. Um, and emotions, they're neither good nor bad, right? Like they're just they're part of our human experience. So God designed us to have these emotions. Um, and yeah, so yeah, my hope is certainly that everyone has the support or and the tools to to be able to, and I mean there's plenty of times where it's just me on my own, like especially like late, I'm sure you can relate late at night, it's harder, right? Like that's where the more anxious thoughts, the the memory, like the emotions can get more intense, right? Still okay, you know. Um, but are we inviting Jesus in to that too? Right. Um, and one thing I teach um my little way members and with my clients, it's uh it's called PB and J. So it's pause, breathe, invite Jesus in. Oh, I love that. And so, friends, if you do nothing else, bring that into your day anytime, right? Um, pause, breathe, Jesus. I love the anger, the grief, the joy, the everything wants to be invited in.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Yeah, and we need to remember that we are full humans with all of the emotions, and we need to allow ourselves to feel all of the emotions. Yes, definitely. Yeah. When did the shift begin where um where at first you couldn't see how things would get better with all of your circumstances, the divorce, the annulment, and losing your dad, pretty much all at the same time. Um was there a shift or how did it shift into being able to move forward and taking the next right step?

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Hmm. That's an interesting question. Um I don't know if there was a pivotal moment. I think it it was a series of next steps. And um, I think I referenced it earlier. You know, there there are times where it certainly feels like you're just in survival. You're you know, you're just trying to figure out like literally the next step. You know, it's very hard to um look ahead at all or plan ahead, let alone like dream ahead, right? Because you're so um so focused in on like this right now, it's hard to see beyond that. Um yeah, I think God's grace, people around me, and um I did in that discover Catholic mindset coaching. And I I really like talk about God's timing, Jenny. This is like, oh, chef's kiss. Like it was um, you know, a friend mentioned Metanoia Catholic and Catholic mindset coaching, and so I was checking them out, checking them out, and then I dove in um and was certified just over a year ago, and I really feel like God's timing was in it because even if I never coached a soul, um the transformation that I received through the certification, because we always coaches go first, you know, you need to experience that. And so gaining the skills to um look at our thoughts and process that using the reason cycle, bringing in Jesus, um, using our brain the way like we have been designed by our amazing creator, and processing emotions, like all that. So, me gaining the skills to do that, um, and then being able to journey with others. Um I feel like that, yeah, looking back on that is probably certainly a pivotal moment, like kind of blowing the doors open. Yeah. That's awesome. And then also, I think that led to also just realizing like, oh, like I how can I help others with this? And what opportunities are there? So then, yes, there's still navigating, uh co-parenting and processing, you know, the end of a marriage. I think there's still lots of room for me to process and heal in that. And, you know, dad is no longer physically with us, and there's still things to, you know, process and do with that, but I have a lot more tools now, I would say. Um, and it's not um is the word fresh the right word? Like it's just there's distance. Yeah. Um it's not to say that the there's not still acute pain and hurt at times, but it does make a difference. And I'd be curious too, like if that resonates with you. Time does shift things. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Yeah. Oh, because I was gonna say, you know, a lot of people like to say that time heals all wounds. Um and I do agree that with time you learn how to carry your grief better. Um and yes, there will be healing, but that scar is always going to be there.

unknown 34:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

So I think it's important to um to recognize that that you'll never forget it, you'll never forget that person. Um, but but there can be healing to be able to learn how to carry it with you and learn how to help others with what you've learned through that journey.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

Yeah, and if it was just literally time, right? Like it can't just literally be time because we stay in the same spot. Um, yeah, but if we're able to piece by piece, like one small step, like speaking out loud, I'm angry about this. Yeah. Or like going to confession or spiritual direction or or whatnot. I mean, if you if you talked to me like two years ago, Jenny, you're like, hey, you want to hop on a podcast and talk about your dad? I would probably Yeah, I know, right? I'll pass. Thank you. God bless you, but no.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Well that's yeah, it's funny that you say that because like I said, I'm about 12 years uh out from losing my son. And it was like a year or two after I lost him. Well, actually during that time, I wrote a blog. Um, but it took me time to actually release that to the public for people. And then God was like giving me these little hints that he wanted me to tell my story, and I told little bits. And then when my husband died, obviously that was a much like it expanded my story. And um, and again, it was about a year or two. Like he was planting little seeds, you need to share this. But I'm four and a half years out now and just starting a podcast and talking publicly about it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

And I bet that's um perfect timing.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

It is, absolutely. I there has been so many things recently, just in this year, where I can see that God's timing is perfect and he's just he's showing me the perfection of his timing more now than I had been able to see before. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Um okay, so just a quick question. I don't think it'll take you long to answer this one because I know we're we're starting to get to the to the end of the time. Um, but you had previously told me that your dad was studying to become a spiritual director. So do you think that that is kind of something that was in the back of your mind when you decided to start pursuing mindset coaching?

SPEAKER_01 36:38

Oh, oh, that's a good question. Um yeah, I remember being like very proud of him when as he was like, yeah, you know, I'm doing and it's a few years, you know. He he would uh grow up in Canada, and so he would go to Stubinville at uh different time, whatever the course schedule was. And obviously there was stuff in between that. And um, he was already like such a uh beautiful uh spiritual leader to so many. So um to I guess formalize it, you know, that made sense, um, even though he he was showing up for so many. And side note, I continue, and my mama's experiences too, and likely my brother's. Um, we run into people at different times who know dad, and they're like, Oh, I know your dad, and they'll share a story, and or they still, and you're just like, Oh, it's such a gift. Um, but anyways, yes, spiritual director, yeah. It it very likely could have played a a part. I know um there is a little bit of like sadness that you know he's not here to see this, right? He's not physically here to have seen me go through coaching and to, you know, but my mom, I love you, mom. Um, she she's so good at like not only speaking words of life from her to me, but also like just kind of constantly like affirming, like, dad is so proud of you. You know, not necessarily like dad would be so proud of you, like dad is so proud of you, because there is an element whether my brain can understand exactly how where spiritually he's still present with me. Um, and so while there's a part of me that's like, oh man, we would have made such a great team, spiritual director, Catholic coach. Um, I think we are working as a team, you know, in a way that would not have been possible otherwise. So I I stay grounded with that. And I I know that's um grace from God as well, just a shift out of like, oh man, I it could have been, it could have been so great. It should have been, you know, into but what is happening right now, exactly, and what has God made possible right now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

And I think you know, with my experiences with my son and my my husband, I feel the same way. I I feel like part of the reason why God took them when they when he took them was because they can be more help to me up there than down here. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know how um how Catholic faith accurate that is, that thought process is.

SPEAKER_01 39:19

But no, because oh here here's one thing my dad uh he shared in homilies and then taught us to, and I don't know if you do it as well, but you pass a church, you bless yourself, you pass cemetery, you bless yourself and play for the holy souls in purgatory. And so my kids now they know we do that. Sometimes they get a little bit like policing in the car, like, hey, did you bless yourself? We don't need to go there, guys. But um just that there's so many opportunities for us to pray for the holy souls in purgatory, and they can also be praying for us, right? Yeah, um, and certainly uh we would love to know like our loved ones in heaven, um, you know, until we get that official official process through our beautiful Catholic Church. Um, but we there is, and I mean there is an element there, right, where we can pray to them and they can be praying for us.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

And so taking the opportunity to do that, whether it's passing by cemetery or offering mass or just any time, you know, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Yeah. Let's just do it. So um, so you had told me that it was your dad that wanted to name you after Saint Therese.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

Yes, yes. So initially they had Joy as my name, which I think is very applicable. Oh yes. But um, my dad, um, before I was born, my dad was kind of like, hmm, got, I guess, a nudge, I'm sure, from the Holy Spirit. I was like, hey, what about Teresa after Saint Terez Olizu? Um, and of course, mom was like, yes, let's do that. So so Teresa Marie officially, um, in terms of my middle name. And yeah, I think uh Saint Therese has been, I'm sure, journeying with me too through this what I thought was boring, now kind of jazzed up life with quite some. And so as I've been looking at like coaching things and whatnot, like I've really, really very intentionally invited her in because I think a lot of her little way and a lot of the lessons she shared with the world and the way she continues to intercede for all of us, um, it falls right into like our mindset and our shifting to focus on Jesus and inviting the Lord into this moment and into our thoughts. Lord, what do you want me to focus on? Lord, what do you want me to know right now? I think it all just goes hand in hand so beautifully.

SPEAKER_00 41:55

Yeah, it really does. And then one other thing that you talked about in our initial chat was coming to a place of gratitude, and you started to be able to say, How blessed am I to have had a father who makes it so hard to lose him? Yes. So how did God bring you there to that place of gratitude?

SPEAKER_01 42:20

How did he? How did he Lord?

SPEAKER_00 42:23

How did you do it?

SPEAKER_01 42:26

You know, I think there's an element of um being open and and open to grace, like God is always present and wanting to connect with us and speak to us personally, right? And so like it's up to us, you know, like we can keep going about our tasks and and and focusing on thoughts of worry and anxiety and overwhelm and and fear, whatever it might be. Um, we also are designed in a way where we can be like, hold on, let me just shift a little bit, right? Let's invite God into this, um and see what he has to say. So I I think that the that's probably an element there too. Um, and yeah, I was reflecting on it too. Again, it is such a gift that I had I have a father like I do, daddy oh, and the impact that he will continue to have for me, my kids, and so many people's lives, and recognizing that that's not always the case for everyone. And so every it just kind of leads into just this the thought too of like everybody's grief journey is going to be unique. Yeah. Right. And so um, for those who may lose a father or parent where the relationship wasn't that great or was difficult, or maybe they weren't really present for whatever reason, right? That grief journey is going to look different. Dad's still gonna show up there, you know. But absolutely um I think there's still grace there and there's still lots of opportunity to be like God I don't understand. God, I'm kind of angry. God, why?

SPEAKER_02 44:10

You know.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So what do you want someone to know who's listening today and can't see through their grief?

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Hmm. I want you to know that I'm praying for you. I want you to know that God is sitting with you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now, and it's okay if he feels far away. And I think I really want to go back to PB and J. Pause, breathe, and invite him in.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

All the mess of your thoughts and your feelings. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

That's just beautiful. I love that. Well, Teresa, thank you so much for being my guest today. Um, you've said so many powerful things, and I will definitely continue to follow you with Little Way Freedom. So tell us where listeners can find you.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

Yes. Well, I'm hanging out on Instagram. So if you're there, you can find me at little.freedom. And I'm working on a website, Jenny. So hopefully I'll have that, you know, soonish. And maybe you can add that to this episode too. Um, and really right now, um, if you wanted to just reach out personally either through DMs on Instagram or email littlewayfreedom at gmail.com. I do have um uh PDF, it's called my my little way rose novena, and it invites in mindset shifts, invites in Saint Therese, and just opportunity to pray, prause, breathe, and invite Jesus. So I'm gonna give you that link too. And if anybody feels moved to to grab that and lean into the invitations through that, then I think you'll be very blessed by it. It's the mindset shifts and um you know in St. Therese that has really moved and shifted for me in my life. So I want to share that with others.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

Thank you so much, Teresa. That is so beautiful. Well, I hope that you all have enjoyed this episode. Thank you again, Teresa, for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, like, and share to someone who you think needs it. And I will see you again next week.