Hi, welcome back to the Catholic Grief Podcast. Today's episode is a little different. If you've been following along, you know that episode seven is coming. The one where I share the story of losing my husband, Sean. And I have to be honest with you, it's taking me longer than I expected. Not because I don't want to share it, but because I want to share it the right way. Welcome to the Catholic Grief Podcast. I'm Jenny Berba. After walking through profound loss, I discovered that grief and faith are not enemies. In this space, we speak openly about grieving. We bring our grief to the foot of the cross, anchor ourselves in Scripture and the sacraments, and gently rebuild with Christ at the center. If you are carrying sorrow, you are seeing here. Let's walk this path together. Start with prayer in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, thank you for every person listening right now. You know where every one of them is in their grief. You know what they're carrying today. Lord, meet us here, even in the in-between moments, even in the episodes that don't go exactly as planned. Remind us that you are not in a hurry with our healing, and that there is grace in the process. In Jesus' name we pray. So here's the thing. I had episode seven on the calendar. I had a framework, I had notes, I did sit down and start the pre-recording, but something just was not feeling right. Not because I'm not ready to talk about losing Sean. I've been talking about it for years. In Facebook posts and in conversations and in quiet prayers. But there's something different about sitting down with a microphone and saying it out loud in a way that I hope will actually help someone else. Because this story is so layered. It's not just my husband died, it's the 20 days in the hospital. It's the FaceTime call where he blew kisses at me because he couldn't speak. It's the 36 straight hours that I was awake. The almost 24 hours I spent in that hospital. And I really want to get it right. I want to make sure that when I tell this story, I'm telling it in a way that actually serves you, not just getting through it. So episode seven is coming. It just needs a little more time. And I think that's actually very fitting for a grief podcast, because grief doesn't stick to your timeline. So since we're here, I want to share a few things that I've learned about widowhood. Because there is a very specific kind of grief that comes with losing a spouse, and I don't think we talk about it enough. First, widowhood changes your identity in a way that's hard to explain. When I lost Sean, I didn't just lose him. I lost the future we were building together. I lost the roadmap. I lost my compass. I remember writing that I felt like I was left standing alone with no direction. There's a reason the church has always had a special tenderness toward widows. Scripture is full of it. In fact, one of my favorite reminders is from Psalm 68. God is described as the defender of widows, the father to the fatherless. He sees this particular grief. You are grieving, and you are suddenly solely responsible for everything, every bill, every child, every decision, every meal. And for me, that meant ten kids. Birthday season for our family was starting the week of the funeral. And we had a house full of people. I had a house full of people who needed me to hold it together, even when I had nothing left. There is this huge tension in that carrying your own broken heart while still needing to show up for everyone else. And I want you to know that if you've lived there, it makes sense that it's hard. It is hard. Third. And this is the one I really want you to hear. Widowhood does not have to be the end of your story. I know that might be hard to believe if you're in the early days of it. I know it was hard for me to believe. But God does not waste our suffering and he does not abandon us in it. He can rebuild what was shattered. Not back to what it was, but into something new, something you could not have imagined, and I am living proof of that. So that's where I am. Episode seven is being rewritten over and over carefully and prayerfully and with a lot of intention, because your healing matters to me, and so does honoring Sean's story well. So thank you so much for being patient with me. Thank you for being here. And if you are a widow or you love someone who is, I just want to say you are seen. This podcast exists for you. I will see you in episode seven very soon. And until then, remember Christ is near. You are not alone. I love you.