Grief doesn't just feel like sadness. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all. Sometimes it feels like everything all at once. And sometimes it makes you feel like you're not even yourself anymore. Sometimes it catches you off guard. You think you're okay. You think you're getting through the day. And then suddenly something shifts. And you realize this is still here. Welcome to the Catholic Grief Podcast. I'm Jenny Berba. After walking through profound loss, I discovered that grief and faith are not enemies. In this space, we speak openly about grieving. We bring our grief to the foot of the cross, anchor ourselves in Scripture and the sacraments, and gently rebuild with Christ at the center. If you are carrying sorrow, you are seen here. Let's walk this path together. Hi, I'm so glad you are here today. Let's begin with prayer. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, you created our hearts. You understand every emotion, every reaction, every moment of confusion we experience in grief. You see each person listening right now, the emotions they are carrying, the ones they understand, and the ones they don't. Lord, meet them here in the overwhelm, in the numbness, in the questions. Help them to know that what they are feeling is not something to be ashamed of. Bring peace into the chaos. Bring clarity into the confusion. And remind them that you are present, not just in the calm, but in every emotion they carry. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. One of the most disorienting parts of grief is not just what happened, it's how it feels afterward. Because no one prepares you for that part. Grief is not just sadness, and I think that is one of the biggest misunderstandings. Because when people expect to feel sad, but instead feel something completely different, they begin to wonder if something is wrong with them. But grief can feel like numbness, anger, confusion, guilt, fear, even moments of peace, followed by waves of pain again. And I have experienced that in my own life. In different seasons of grief, losing my son, losing my husband, losing my childhood. The emotions didn't look the same, and they didn't follow a pattern. There were moments I thought I understood what grief would feel like, but then it surprised me. Sometimes grief feels like nothing. Sometimes I remember moments where I was going through the motions of my day, packing the kids' lunches, getting the kids ready, showing up for what needed to be done, especially as a mom. But inside, I felt completely disconnected. Like I was there, but not fully present. Like I was watching my life instead of living it. And that can be very unsettling because you start to wonder, why don't I feel more? Why am I not reacting the way I thought I would? But numbness is not the absence of grief. It is protection within it. It is your mind and your heart saying, This is too much to carry all at once. And then there are other moments where it's the complete opposite, where the emotions come all at once. I remember times in my grief where it felt like everything would hit me all at once. Not gradually, definitely not gently, but all at once. Sadness, anger, confusion, sometimes within the same hour, sometimes within the same moment. And it felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Like I couldn't keep up with what I was feeling. And that kind of overwhelm, it can make you feel like you're losing control. Grief can also bring anger. Anger at what happened, anger at what was lost, anger at how life has changed, and sometimes even anger toward God. And I remember wrestling with that. Not always in loud ways, but in quiet questions. Why? Why this? Why now? And I think this is one of the places where people struggle the most. Because they think if I feel this, something must be wrong with my faith. But I want to say this clearly. Feeling anger does not mean you lack faith. It means you're human. Guilt can also show up. The what ifs, the wish I had, conversations you replay over and over again. The moments you wish you could go back to. And those thoughts can be heavy because they don't have clear answers. And this is where our faith matters so deeply. Because we do not have a God who is distant from human emotions, we have a God who entered into it. There is a moment in Scripture when Jesus stands before the tomb of Lazarus. And even knowing what he is about to do, even knowing resurrection is coming, he still weeps. John chapter eleven, verse thirty-five, Jesus wept. And that matters because it tells us something about the heart of God. It tells us he does not rush past sorrow. He enters into it. And if he wept, then your tears, your emotions, your questions, they are not something that separate you from him. They are a place where he meets you. One of the hardest parts of grief is that it can make you feel like a stranger to yourself. I remember thinking, this isn't me. The way I was reacting, the way I was processing things. Even the way I felt emotionally was different. And that can feel very scary. Because it feels like you've lost more than just someone you love. It feels like you've lost yourself too. If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this. You are not broken. You are grieving. What you are feeling, even when it's confusing, even when it's overwhelming, even when it doesn't make sense, it is a natural response to an unnatural loss. And scripture reminds us, cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. That's first Peter chapter five, verse seven. Not some of them, not just the ones that make sense, all of them. The messy ones, the uncomfortable ones, the ones you don't even know how to explain. Because he cares for you in all of it. Grief is not something that fits neatly into one emotion. It moves, it shifts, it changes. And instead of trying to control it or fix it or rush through it, what if you simply allowed yourself to notice it? To say, this is what I'm feeling today. Without judging it, without trying to fix it, just noticing it. You might even write it down. Today I feel sadness. Today I feel anger. Today, I feel confusion. And then gently remind yourself, I am not broken. I am grieving. Before we close, I want you to think on this. If your emotions feel different, if your reactions feel unfamiliar, what has grief changed about the way you see yourself? Because in our next episode, we're going to talk about that. Who you are after loss, the identity shifts, the questions, and how to begin understanding yourself again. I'll meet you in the next episode. Thank you for being here. If this episode spoke to your heart, I invite you to subscribe, share it with someone who you think needs it, and come back to the next one. Remember, Christ is near. You are not alone.